How to Talk to Your Aging Parent About Mental Health

You've been seeing the signs of failing mental health in your mom for a while now. Honestly, they're hard to ignore now. Still, when you ask Mom, "Hey, is everything alright?", she smiles and tells you, "Of course!"

Despite what she says, you've noticed the loss of interest, the growing anxiety, or even the alcohol consumption. She's your parent and, admittedly, it's strange to be on this side of caregiving with her. You can't keep putting off this conversation, though, no matter how awkward. It's time to start a dialogue with your parent about their mental health.

Older Adults and Mental Illness

Mental illnesses are on the rise in older adults. Today, mental illness affects 20% of adults over the age of 60. This means millions of seniors are living with a mental health issue.

Three main categories of mental illness are the most prevalent in the older population. These conditions include:

• Depression - Clinical depression, or major depressive disorder, is characterized by persistent feelings of sadness or emptiness. It often manifests with physical symptoms as well, like fatigue, insomnia, and weight gain or loss.

• Anxiety Disorders - For seniors, the most common disorders are generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), specific phobias, OCD, panic disorder, and social anxiety.

• Substance Abuse Disorders - Elderly substance abuse is on the rise and going unnoticed. Alcohol is the most commonly abused substance, followed by prescription drugs.

  
  

"Tough It Out" Mentality and Generational Stigma

If your parent is currently a senior, aged 65 or older, they're likely a member of the Baby Boomer Generation. Baby Boomers, born before 1965, experienced a very different upbringing than their Gen X or Millennial children.

Your parents grew up in a time of great economic prosperity and optimism. They experienced the Space Race and watched the U.S. moon landing live on TV. They witnessed entire diseases, like polio, get eradicated thanks to vaccines and medical advancements. They lived through the birth of the personal computer and the Internet!

In so many ways, Baby Boomers are a progressive generation. This doesn't tend to carry over into mental health, however. This generation is a proud one. Boomers were raised to prize achievement and self-reliance. They "pulled themselves up by their bootstraps." Mental illness wasn't a disease, but a moral failing, a sign of weakness. Only crazy people sought out mental help.

This mindset doesn't protect them, though. Many experts have dubbed the Baby Boomers as the "gloomiest" generation. The optimism they grew up surrounded by has soured into a deep pessimism in old age. They're worried about their financial situation. They're socially isolated. And, yes, they are experiencing mental illnesses.

How to Start the Conversation

The best time for a conversation is before a crisis. Begin a dialogue when you first notice signs, so it doesn't become a larger issue.

• Set the Stage - Time and place can make all the difference. Set aside a time when you're both free from distractions. Pick a day free from any appointments or other obligations. For the time, opt for a time when your parent is well-fed and not distracted by hunger, but also not so late that they're starting to tire.

• Use "I" statements - Avoid statements that start with "you" because they can come across as accusatory. "I've noticed you're losing interest in your hobbies" is better than "You don't do any of your hobbies anymore." Likewise, statements like "I've noticed you're feeling overwhelmed lately and I want to help," work well.

• Listen and Don't Correct - If your parent takes the opportunity to explain how they've been feeling, try not to correct or invalidate. For instance, if they explain a certain new anxiety they've developed, try not to explain why their fear is irrational.

• Respect Their Autonomy - Your parent is still an adult with autonomy. Offer choices and suggestions, not ultimatums. Ask your parent if they'd like to consider therapy, or if they'd prefer to bring up the symptoms with their primary care provider first.

• Normalize Mental Illness - Remind your parent that mental illness isn't a moral failing or a sign of weakness. Anxiety, depression, and other disorders are illnesses just like diabetes, COPD, or heart failure. Also mention that they are treatable.

  
  

While you talk to your parent, try to remain flexible. They may not be open to discussing this the first try. Be willing to try again and don't give up on them. Let them know you'll be there to support whatever they choose. Mental illness is always best tackled with support and love, over pressure and shame.

We Can Help

If your parent could benefit from companion care, schedule a discovery call with us at 240-744-0674.